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El de la soledad (Pasión)

 

Me he pasado una buena parte de mi vida durmiendo acompañada, buscando refugio en brazos externos. Y por desgracia no hablo de los de mi madre, los que por suerte cada día valoro más.

No quiero decir que su calor corporal en ese momento no me cobijara, porque lo hacía y mucho. Era mi calma, mi paz y mi referencia de tierra en mitad de una tormenta. Era todo lo que uno espera ser consigo mismo…pero yo estaba de espectadora. 

Me encantaba llegar al final de un mal día, quejarme de todas las cosas “horribles” (sepamos bien que no eran tanto, pero me gustaba quejarme por la recompensa) y que él abriera los brazos para yo perder la consciencia de la realidad en ellos.

La solución a todos mis problemas estaba tan lejos como marcar su teléfono, que aún me sé de memoria.

Hoy, después de un tiempo pasado de esa relación, de la que más amor he recibido, he llegado a esta conclusión.

Estoy super orgullosa de que mi momento de paz sea cuando me acuesto en mi cama, me arropo, me estiro todo lo que da el cuerpo y permanezco sola. 

No quiero decir que no haya dormido con más personas después de él porque lo he hecho. Y sigue siendo muy reconfortante, pero lo más importante de todo es que he hallado mi refugio en mí de alguna manera.

Foto de @alanperezph

He llegado al punto de evadirme yo sola de los mundanales problemas y elevar mi mente con los ojos cerrados escuchando solo mi respiración en el silencio de la habitación.

Y es glorioso.

Sinceramente, no sabría explicaros cómo he llegado a este punto, pero me encanta.

La sensación de estar en casa cuando estás contigo. 

Eso es el éxito.

Continuaré toda mi vida buscando compartir una mirada (sobre todo una sonrisa) pero ahora mismo sé que si no la encuentro es por elección no por imposición. 

Nos cuesta tanto aceptar esta verdad que parece que nos inculca culpabilidad, cuando es libertad plena.

Libertad de no irte con la primera persona que te preste atención.

Libertad de buscar un diez porque tú lo eres, y porque te lo mereces ¡que coño!

Libertad de tomarte una caña o un café tú sola con unos cascos disfrutando del final del día.

Libertad de subir al monte, perderte y encontrarte.

Libertad de hablar con el camarero sin segundas intenciones más que ese mismo acto.

Libertad de ser tú contigo mismo.

Libertad de saber que, cuando invites a alguien a compartir tu precioso tiempo y tu vida, lo sabrá apreciar. Porque tú ya le has dado ese valor.

 


Escucha la lista de música que ha inspirado este instante

 

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